Learning to live to the beat of my own drum.
My life was changing at a rapid rate. I discovered that I was menopausal. Lack of sleep due to night sweats & debilitating daily hot flushes I became depressed & anxious. A few months later, I was involved in a car accident, which resulted in several operations to save my leg. This was followed by inactivity due to constant pain. I also began fueling my body with “emotional comfort food”.
I was at my heaviest weight and feeling desperate. I was also 42 and beginning to feel concerned about the long-term effects on my health
In hindsight I have discovered that these feelings of negativity & desperation were strong catalysts that ensured my body steadily gained weight.
I felt very negative towards myself I lacked motivation & inspiration. My self-esteem was at an all time low, my mental state was dreadful. Our local GP (doctor) prescribed me an anti-depressant and after a few weeks I felt like a zombie.
I allowed myself to stay in this state of frustration and negative thought patterns for 8 months.
I had been seeing the physiotherapist regularly as part of my rehabilitation process and she recommended that I as my leg had healed well that I would benefit from walking each day.
That night as I was falling asleep I thought about the walk I was going to have the following morning and just for a moment imagined myself as a fit healthy woman. When I visualised the healthy me, I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness and a deep love for this version of me. I drifted off to sleep with this image in my mind and pure joy in my heart.
The following morning I began my daily walk. It was very early in the morning when I stepped out of my front door. We live in a little valley with a small hill to climb on the right and a big hill on the left. I turned right, switched on my head torch and slowly walked up to the top of the smaller hill.
When I reached to top the sky was changing to a spectacular shade of deep purple. I could just see the deep midnight blue & pinkie colours that come before dawn, I was in awe. It was as though I was transported to another place. I thought WOW
“This is what it would feel like…TO BE HAPPY!!”
There and then I made a choice, I want to be happy, fit and healthy, and I want to feel good, play with my children, fit into my clothes, I want to feel this type of LOVE for myself all the time.
I was in awe; and in that moment I felt I was a different person I was in wonder of my potential.
Standing on the crest of the hill that morning I watched the first rays of gold and crimson appear over the horizon, the first rays of light were bursting through the gliding mist.
It was a gloriously superb sight, I fell in love, I fell in love with me, I fell in love with my beautiful body, and I fell in love with everything that had got me to this place.
I saw myself as the vibrant, fit and healthy woman I had imagined the night before.
In that moment I knew I had made a profound change in myself. I felt so blessed that I was actually walking; I was able to admire and give thanks for the majestic splendour of the kaleidoscope colours and life that burst into view before me.
Gratitude and intent are very powerful tools. I am grateful and give thanks many times a day for my renewed connection with everything and everyone, my ability to perform my morning walk, my legs, lungs, ears and eyes that welcome the dawn and witness the first light.
I feel so happy and grateful, I am getting fitter and am learning to love my body lean. I feel better about my life.
I keep pinching myself remembering that only a few years ago I was fat, unhappy, unhealthy and angry at life’s misfortunes, and now I’m sitting at my desk writing about what kept me motivated.
I am amazed and truly in awe of the love, joy & beauty I see, hear, feel and touch every single moment. I actually have energy to be a participant in my life!!!
I learnt to live by the “beat of my own drum” to have gratitude for the universe, myself and to be inspired by the small changes.