Ok, I want to talk to you all about a subject that is crucial to your health…relationships and the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. Who you attract is often a reflection.
The people you attract into your life are a reflection of how you feel about yourself, your belief system, the powerful subconscious which controls our lives. Our subconscious is set by the age of seven, it’s like our hard drive. It holds all the information gathered in those first few years and, unless you become consciously aware, those old beliefs control you. Can you recognize the powerful impact those first relationships have on the whole of our lives? Those primary relationships, our parents, our grandparents and our siblings?
One of my many insights I have discovered on my healing journey has been the fact that as a sensitive feeling child I was emotional which is often perceived to be a weakness. My realization has been that this perception was projected unconsciously onto me. Set in my hard drive, I played that role of the weak one in the family, completely unaware of how false it was, until I was diagnosed with cancer.
The relationship I had with myself was not a good one. The combination of perceiving weakness, and having a mother who was emotionally very needy and controlling, shaping the relationships I formed as an adult. My belief of a loving relationship/friendship meant you suppressed all your needs and emotions and focused on making the other person happy.
These relationships are co dependent and full of conditions, they are extremely bad for your health. Being diagnosed with cancer and realizing I needed to take the responsibility to change this belief system was a life saver.
I had ended up in a relationship for eighteen years with a partner who completely mirrored my first primary relationship (my mother). A co dependent relationship that drained my life energy to the point my body was completely depleted and cancer was the result.
At this point I want to make it clear that I am not blaming my mother or my ex partner for the cancer. This is simply a symptom of an imbalance in my body. The core was programmed into my hard drive; it was a low self belief ‘story’. This story created a magnet like effect in drawing all the wrong people into my life. I was constantly drained and when I could take no more, I would end the friendship. I always left wondering why people would treat me that way.
Keep doing what you are doing, you will keep getting what you are getting.
After my first operation I chose to seek a holistic Doctor. I was having infusions of vitamin C, bicarb and ozone therapy but I will never forget one appointment I spent with her. It was extremely confronting. She told me her biggest worry for me was that if I didn’t make changes in my relationship then I would get cancer again and die.
Now as I sat there my defenses were high, I felt very vulnerable. I was trying to process what I had just been through. I was trying to block what she was saying until she gave me this little analogy:
“If the both of you were out in a boat and the boat was sinking, but the boat would stay afloat if there was only one, what do you think would happen?”
That analogy changed everything, my instant vision without any hesitation was me being thrown over board! I went home that night committed to staying consciously aware and to make the changes. After all my life depended on it.
My Healing Journey
I have found on my healing journey that no one talks about the reactions of others. I want to bring awareness to this as it brought me immense emotional exhaustion. Trying to understand what was going on! I had to work out that a lot of people lack that conscious awareness so get stuck in their own fear and drama which causes them to disconnect leaving you feeling unsupported or even rejected. These feelings I know far to well, I use to say to people the cancer was the easy part.
I found the people you would expect would be there for you often are the ones who leave, while the ones you least expect become your rocks.
When going through any type of life changing event you get to experience exactly who loves you unconditionally.
Life is an amazing journey when you consider your Mother and Partner of 18 years leave your life after being diagnoses with cancer, but it is also something I’m very grateful for, it made me go deep within and deal with my self worth to help me escape the safe cocoon I had lived in for forty years, wrapped up playing roles trying to keep others happy, fearing the bright butterfly inside might be to much for some…and she was! so while those people left my life many beautiful souls were entering, drawn to the love radiating from my now fully opened heart. Yes life is truly incredible when you fall in love……in love with yourself.
Melissa Togni is a pioneer of the conscious revolution. A vegan who loves food, animals and sharing my life wisdom. Check out her Instagram handle chillitonks