While tucked up cozy, drinking my coconut turmeric chai on this chilly Melbourne night, I feel excited about the future, about the opportunities the universe presents, about my conscious awareness; a huge reward after a four year life changing journey, about the heart connections I have made and last but most importantly the unconditional love I now have for myself.
Life is truly amazing and I’m so happy that finally I understand what it means to live.
In June 2012 I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Both ovaries were affected, my right ovary was 15cm while the tumor in my left was 7cm. This diagnosis felt a bit surreal at first, and naturally there was fear, but overall I was OK. This was a subject I had spent years researching, this was my area, I had the information and resources I needed to be able to make the right decision for ME. I emphasize the ME as I believe we are all different and what works for one does not necessarily work for another. We all have the answers inside.
We need to connect to our feelings, if something doesn’t feel right then it’s not. Search until you get more clarity or another way. Trust your intuition it is your best guide.
I spent six weeks gathering information and asking questions and felt my decision to be operated on was the right one. Choosing surgery over chemicals was a personal decision but one made with trust and research. On the 13th of September, I put my life into the hands of the surgeons and they removed the now 18cm and 7cm tumors as part of a full hysterectomy. The day of surgery I was relatively calm and relaxed which I feel had a lot to do with the fact that I had made the right decision 100%.
My hospital care was faultless. My oncology nurse, who was the first one on the scene the morning after my operation, holds a special place in my heart. She is primarily a healer and secondarily a nurse. She has supported and respected my choices. and in turn I respected the amazing job she does and her energy.
Five days later I walked, a little hunched out of the hospital. I felt and overwhelmingly emotional as I walked out those doors. An amazing sense of relief that I had indeed made it. I was alive. It was a very slow drive the short distance home and I can remember feeling every little bump in the road!
Life is not a journey we can make on our own, I was extremely grateful that my sister came to stay to help look after me alongside some very special friends.
I had always found it difficult to speak up for myself so this was my time to shine. This was my life and I had the biggest investment in it so i found my voice and I took responsibility and committed to myself 100%. I spoke my truth to doctors. I refused to see doctors who showed me disrespect.
I respected there belief may be different from mine and I expected the same in return.
I had to heal the deep down primary cause not just the symptoms, because the symptoms will always come back if the primary cause is not dealt with. My healing journey started.
I knew my emotional health which had caused the toxicity. My long term relationship needed changes but 12 months later I was still under stress dealing with a partner who had been out of work for three months.
I dreamt I had another lump and this was confirmed with a lymph node tumour and removal for diagnosis confirmed it was the aggressive cancer. Again, I refused the chemical treatment path. I had to work harder at removing the toxicity out of my life. As the lymph system represents our support system emotionally, something was still lacking in my relationship.
I have so much to share with you as I peeled away the layers of my life. I consider cancer was my greatest gift. Unlike many others, it was my gift of life, not a death sentence.
It has been 2 1/2 years since that lymph node deemed me “Stage IV Incurable Cancer”. A label I can laugh at now as I am the healthiest and happiest I have been my whole life. I am surrounded by unconditional love, wisdom and clarity.
Melissa Togni is a pioneer of the conscious revolution. A vegan who loves food, animals and sharing my life wisdom. Check out her Instagram handle chillitonks